Rocky Road
by WriterofGotham
Summary: Jason can't say no to a dare, even if it kills him, again. Dick dares him not to cuss for a week, so he finds alternative cuss words, ice cream flavors. Crack fic. One shot. Updated 3/6/18


Jason really needed to work on his ability to say no to stupid dares or stay away from Dick when he was bored. Both of those together spelled out disaster for him.

"I bet Jaybird can't go a week without saying a single cuss word. That would be like Tim not drinking coffee." Dick had said knowing that Jason would walk away from a statement like that. The Batcave was filled with all the vigilante birds as they prepared for patrol. Gotham and Bludhaven had been boring... for some reason, none of the criminals escaped out of Arkham and the ones free were quiet. All of them were home for the night because Alfred had invited them over for dinner. Dick was stirring for some sort of action.

"You bet I can." Is what Jason meant to say. Dick laughed along with everyone else, as Jason put in some words that would have been bleeped out on television and radio.

"Prove it, Jason. Don't say a single cuss word for a week and I will believe it" Tim joined in after getting his breath back from laughing so hard.

"I accept. I won't cuss for a week." Jason agreed without thinking about how many days, hours, and minute seven days contained and how much he cussed.

"Don't even try to get me to give up coffee," Tim said before anyone could dare suggest it.

Bruce walked into the cave just then and they went on patrol together. Batman and Robin, Nightwing and Batgirl, Red Hood and Red Robin.

A drug dealer was beating on a junkie who couldn't pay. Jason jumped down and hit him with a rubber bullet. The dealer started to cuss Jason out. Jason's face was blocked under the hood and he was thankful for the covering. It wasn't fair Jason thought as he kicked the guy, Tim was still laughing as Jason finally gagged the scum. Not cussing was harder than Jason ever thought it would have been. He decided he needed alternative cuss words.

After patrol Jason called Roy from his safe house for help on alternative curse words. He had a daughter; he would know words that were terrible without actually cursing. Jason smiled at his devious plan.

The devious plan turned out to be more of a disastrous plan that backfired in every way imaginable.

"Haha, the mighty Jason Todd can't cuss for a week. I have a bet to see if it will last. Here are some good ones for you to use, 'shut the front door' oh, this one will work when you're really mad, Jason, 'toot'." Jason hung up after that remark and through his cell phone across the room. It was a really stupid idea to call Roy for back up.

"Toot" Jason muttered under his breath darkly.

Jason sat down on his lumpy couch eating one of the rolls Alfred sent with him before getting ate a bowl of ice cream when he came up an idea. He could cuss in ice cream flavors, mint chocolate chip! That was not a bad idea, compared to the ones he had been coming up with, and agreed to, "Vanilla fudge swirl, this might work, I might last the week. Stupid Dickface for daring me to do this," Jason muttered shaking his head at what he was reduced to.

The next night on patrol when something went south, Batgirl's comm shorted out almost immediately got caught it in a band of the Joker's thugs. (The Joker had to break out that week right after the stupid bet.) Jason growled out a string of ice cream flavors, "Fudge swirl, strawberry cheesecake, butter pecan, rainbow sherbet."

"What's going on Red Hood?" Nightwing asked after he finished laughing.

Jason was too busy shooting the Joker's thugs with rubber bullets, Bruce would throw a fit if he killed them. Fudge swirl, they deserved it.

Batgirl and Red Hood took them out pretty easy then the Joker and Harley showed up. The Gotham vigilantes circled around them, the Joker was laughing and went on about a bomb in the city. Batman knocked him out after he just insanely babbled, he was easy to catch and Harley would go down with her "Mista J." That was the easy part of the night.

The bomb turned out to be six of them all around Gotham. They soon had worked out the location of them they all scrambled to disarm them in pairs. Red Hood and Red Robin paired up again they raced off to disarm the bomb. (They paired up because Jason couldn't stand to look at Dick's stupid face right then.)

Jason couldn't help but think about his own death as he heard the bomb's ticking, "Rainbow sherbert!" Jason exclaimed when they found it. Red Robin did most of the work while Jason had to hold a few wires and strip them. In the end, the Joker lost again, when the bombs were taken care off.

"Mint chocolate chip, best work you've done, Red Robin." Tim gave Jason a funny look and then shook his head slowly shaking with laughter.

"You used to be my hero, Hood. I never realized what a stupid kid I was. Ice cream flavors? Really, I thought you would at least use, 'darn' or something like that."

"Red Robin, I will say whatever the rocky road I want." Jason retorted. He only had six days left and he would say whatever the he- fudge swirl he wanted. When those six long misery filled days were up Jason would vanilla, rocky road, have to cussing to make up for.


End file.
